Not Okay Not Okay Not Okay

Friday, March 9, 2012

So no, I'm not alright. Since you asked anyway.
I feel invalid, like I'm stamped void, past expiration.
I'm also past negotiation. I don't want to talk.
Because every sentence I let you complete completely destroys me,
Along with whatever resolve I built up since the last one.
The silence is almost comforting at this point.

What if I said these things to you?
Do you want to hear how short lived I think we'll be?
Or how I feel when you talk to these new people?
Or how many times a day I think about how unlike your dream partner I am?
How would you feel hearing these things? And how am I supposed to feel?
What do you expect from me?

I'm not sure if you don't know what to do, or not to do.
Cause I feel like it should just come natural sometimes.
When to hold, when to hold back. When the tears are being held back.
I'm not saying you need to read my mind,
But maybe read into my answer a little bit.
See just how not alright I really am.
Some things just shouldn't have to be said.

It ruins my whole day, and then some.
No amount of sleep or times making it come undone.
My chest is still tight, the tears are still inside.
My eyes feel hot and heavy from the releases I've denied them.
All in the name of getting to sleep earlier for a new day to rise.

And that day is just like the one before,
And I'm not sure if I can handle the load anymore.
Any time I catch up more gets added on.
So I'm always a step behind, always just out of time.
More hours, more bills.
The more I try to get to the end, the more loose threads.

So what now? What should I do? What do I say to you?
I love you but I'm not okay. I love you but it can't be this way.
I love you but you need to act like you care.
I love you but you can't leave me alone out here.


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